Translating Trichet

Jean-Claude Trichet is the chairman of the European Central Bank. He is their counterpart to our Ben Bernanke. Today he came out with an editorial in the Financial Times arguing for no more stimuli.

We have to avoid an asymmetry between bold, if justified, loosening and unduly hesitant retrenchment. There are three main reasons for starting well-designed fiscal consolidation strategies in the industrial countries now, precisely to consolidate the present recovery.

It sounds like gobbledygook because it's coming from a central bank chairman who is also a Frenchman. If that's not a recipe for garbled prose, nothing is. Here at The Scratching Post, we've had our crack team of translators working on this article all night. Here's what Jean-Claude is saying.

If you think I'm going to bail you dingbats out again, you are sadly mistaken. I looked like a complete tool when I printed those trillion Euros to buy your worthless debt and there will be no repeat of that, let me assure you. (Here, Jean Claude makes the traditional Gallic motions in the air with his arms indicating that you may feel free to visit Al Gore's masseuse should you wish him to reconsider his stance on printing money.)

There. That's pretty much it.

What's that? You want me to print more money? Hey! Wait a minute! I think I see your car being towed away! You better run out and check (sotto voce: while I lock the door behind you.)